off the record
three months and time is passing… i am messing up. big deal! i am good at it anyway. three months and i haven’t got any real friends yet. loneliness envelopes my dark existence. lately i have become a net freak, i began to have a world inside the cyberspace, my idea of socializing is thru this pseudo reality. my idea of affection is based on the pixelized images that flash before my eyes. the only time i would get out of the house is when i have classes, or i have to do some freaking means to earn few quids to keep me going. yeah my life is now controlled by this technology, its my only life here. i feel in control. but still in the depth of my mind i feel the shattering loneliness, i miss the feeling of real interaction with real and moving people, the smiles and giggles of female species. the basic conversation i have here are those who are busy with their life and uses net as an exhaust pipe over their melodramatic life, or sometimes i get to know, perverted 18 year olds who are so liberated and challenges even my own sexual life(just wait til i get my hands on you-LOL) and the way i laugh, i do it by saying LOL. shucks! i am starting to be a freak. i am starting to keep my existence boxed. and i have narrowed my options in life to meet people. i really thought having an internet connection might ease my psychotic contentions but as each day that i become an addict the more i am lured in having demented opinions about life. although i am on my normal sanity, i just can’t let go of the thought that one of these day i might go to Thames river and drown myself to death.well have you heard of someone drowning and not dying? well actually i did, but his mom almost killed him when he told he lost his tag huer watch when he was drowning. anyway back to my point, could anyone out here in UK(hopefully in London near my place) help me out here, it is not my nature to beg but i guess i need a few quick tips on how to gain interaction skills. i am depressingly going down the gutter and i am afraid that one day all that is left of me is rubble of what i used to be….only worse…
-darkmau-
MALAYA!
