man in the fridge

ako ay nabuhay sa isang magulong mundo ng pakikibaka ng katinuan at kabaliwan, tulad rin ng karamihan na pilit tinatakasan ang katotohanan ng panahon. pilit nag aaklas upang makatuklas ng tunay na lunas sa nagbabadyang kadiliman, pilit nagpupumiglas upang makamtan ang kalayaang sa himpapawid lamang matatagpuan. naglalakbay sa kahabaan ng kasalukuyan, natuklasang umibig, natuklasang masilo at masaktan, naranasang lumuha dahil sa mapait na kahapon na pilit  takasan di naman makayanan na iwaglit sa alaala, tila ulan at hangin na pulit ulit kang paluluhain at ibabaon sa lumbay.sa isang iiglap ang buo mong natutunan na katotohanan ay isa palang dibuho ng imahenasyon na dulot ng magulong isipan, na tinalo ng kahinaan ng kalooban. parang  minsan sa kahapon ng kamusmusan na nagmamadaling tumakbo upang umabot sa panahon katandaan upang matanto lamang ang malupit na pagsisi na bumalik sa panahon ng pagiging inosente. ako ay nabuhay sa katotohan ng propesiya na ang pinagmulan ng buhay ay mula sa kawalan, at muling babalik sa kawalan. sa kasalukuyang panahon na ang taon ay magiging buwan, ang buwan ay magiging linggo, at ang linggo ay magiging araw, at ang araw ay migiging oras at ang oras ay isang pitik ng liwanag na di na natin maabutan. ang buhay…mula sa kawalan patungo sa kalawakan ng kahulugan.

darkmau

MALAYA!

if i can keep time in a bottle and space paused in dreams. if there are no words to speak then how on earth could we say it is real? if love truly exists then why does hate takeover? if i am doing this because i believe in tomorrow, will you do the same if i were stuck on that same situation? if doubts can be mended by truth, then how do we identify truth from fallacy? if i cant keep my head now while so many are losing, if i can keep on fighting while the war is over, will life take me to cover? silence makes me deaf.

there is nothing moral or real that sweeps my existence, i am being washed by rush of emotions, the uncertainty brings me courage, fate that i have known from afar is love that i hold. the only thing i know.in silence i am deaf. and in light i am blind. silent screams. real joy. bliss.

darkmau

MALAYA!

nawala na ang aking paniniwala sa mga bagay na inakala kong katotohanan. naubos na ang aking pananampalataya sa mga bagay na inakala kong magbibigay sa akin ng tunay na buhay. dahan dahan akong muling nilalamon ng dilim hinahagkan ng mga anino at bulong ng alaala ng kasinungalingan. di ko na yata kayang labanan ang tawag ng katahimikan.ngayon babalik na ako muli kay kadiliman.

Darkmau

MALAYA!

it was a boring Wednesday evening and i had nothing to do but watch the ceiling and observe the carpet floor. it was bound to doom, our flat is small and there is nothing i can do(or even optical illusion) do. so i had to accept the reality that i have to stay and creep in silence while wait for all my CVs to have its sheer pleasure of rejections(rejection after rejection, it could be placed in Guinness now). dozing off is not an option, for each time i try to sleep, a hundred demon tries to haunt me(dreams and nightmares where my guest stars will be Jason and lotus feet) so no point in sleeping, i don’t have any reason to brush elbow with those freaks anyway. Yahoo Messenger, MSN and Friendster somehow lost its luster and appeal, i missed the times where i could just spare few peso for an unrestricted joy in puffing my boredom with Marlboro(this is a paid ad). or grab the PLDT land line and talk about anything and everything under the sun, moon and stars of Davao. or better yet drive around town, even though my fuel gauge is trying its might not to lose on the letter E(empty). maybe i am completely bored during that day that i remembered a certain fly way back when i was in college. Hmm, so if i could remember that fly then there is a big possibility i remember almost everyone who crossed my path(but if i owe someone money well, I’m sorry, i forget). that fly is now dead for sure, but i can not forget its striking pose when it was about to make a touch down on my best friends plate of rice, and its mighty take off when i banged the table. oh it was poetry in motion, i never really understood why flies have that mighty ability of creating major flying acrobatics,but it is not its stunts that amazed me. it was the major power from within that somehow made me wonder, a fly doesn’t live long enough, but somehow, it always shows courage amidst the peril of life. its mighty little wings flap for it to reach its destination. time sometimes is not of its value, it cares more about living than the possibility of failing. that fly gave me a realization, a small thing treats shit treasure, and it knows no difference from clean and dirty, it lives for a day, and risks big only to die soon. i hate boring Wednesday evenings.

mau

malaya!

there is a basic sense when i woke up from a dream, the guarantee of unfair life, the strokes in mid air slowly collapsing, gravity in motion, hello, now bidding goodbye.

life is a matter of choosing what and what not to do. there is a single difference if one says yes and the other says no, but the big difference is in practice when basically you give up without actually trying a little bit longer. i might not be the best in the realm of choosing, but i pull triggers when the necessity comes across the phase. i try not to think of what might have been or what could have been, all i have is now, and plans will fall if you say "I CAN’T".

we only complicate life when we start to shy away from the light, the truth hurts, the truth sucks all your energy, but in the end it will set us free, there is no use giving in to thoughts of fear. there will only two things to worry, how to get there? and if not whats next? basics of life, it will be a waste of time if we stop moving on. life is not a matter of promising life, it is a matter of living life. it is not where you went, it is your present destination that counts.

past can’t be undone, the harm will always remain, regrets are inevitable, but each day you have is an opportunity to keep the playing ground even. but the attitude is keeping the compsure…I can….not I can not.

chase the demons… chase the evil, chase death…it is not a matter of chance… it is by choice. kill or get killed.

mau

MALAYA!