man in the fridge

so why is it hard to deal with a break up or the fact of having a cool off? hindi pa ba tayo nagsasawa sa all time reason na "i need space" na tila ba gustong maging astronaut ng partner natin at lumipad sa buwan. or yung isa pang gasgas na linya na " i don’t feel like being myself anymore" and the most harsh reason na "i don’t feel i love you any more" na kapatid ni less morbid but equally painful na "we do not have that connection anymore". see, magkapatid sila dahil sa apelyidong anymore. parang lego at knex, kailangan mag connect.

and one more point, cool off? patayin ang lamig? ano yun? so meaning pag nasa love period kayo eh ang tawag sa inyo heat on? geez, mala impyerno yata ang relasyon na yun.

anyway, bago ka gumulong sa kakatawa sa mga nasabing rason, at magdagdag pa ng iba, isipin mo muna ang fact na ito. bakit sa dinamidami ng nagkakaron ng break ups, eh may isa sa kanila na hindi mapakali at sobrang nasasaktan. tapos gusto na lang nilang magkulong sa bahay at di na kakain (well yung iba kain ng kain, pati poison nilalamon) , tapos di na matutulog and the likes. bakit isa sa kanila ang labis na magdaramdam, hindi magdadrama, kundi magdaramdam, pag nangyari yung ganon. well, sa labis ng aking makakaya, hinimay ko ang mga sitwasyon, na posibleng rason kung bakit nangyayari yung ganon.

ganito kasi yun… kung may oras kang lumayo at iclose ang blog nato, gawin mo na ngayon. may mga realidad sa mundo na hindi puedeng idaan sa comedy at freeverse writing.  so, ganito nga yun,(pause for laughter) maraming partner ang sobrang nasasaktan dahil sa fact na hindi nila maunawaan kung paano o bakit o kaya saan nagmula ang break up. CONFUSION my friends is deadly, maski sa gera pag ang sundalo naconfuse malamang mamatay siya ng nakadilat ang mata. pag di kasi maunawaan ng isa, ang dahilan ng kaniyang partner , malamang di siya masatisfy na mag move on. the hurting partner ika nga would always hold on that feeling of having that loving feeling towards his/her partner(i am trying not to be a sexist, pero usually babae ang malabo kausap).

pero in reality, kahit na sabihin pa nung gusto makipagbreak and dahilan, at iexplain pa in  simplest terms eh posibleng di pa rin maunawaan ng hurting partner ang reason. hindi dahil confused siya kundi dahil nasa stage of denial siya. the second key term is ACCEPTANCE. hangga’t wala ang acceptance eh wala pa ring mangyayari. sa mga seminars ng alcoholics at chain smokers kailangan daw iadmit mo muna na may problema ka bago ka mag create ng ways to quit sa vices. and so it might work din sa heartaches.although relatively, mas confusing ang emotional struggle kaysa physical struggle.

pero parang di parin tanggap yung points na nabigay ko, so ano pa nga ba ang iba, here are the things na puede pang maging dahilan, the issue of BALANCE. pag walang Balance sa isang relationship, which is the idea of giving and taking, wala rin daw patutunguhan ang relationship, dahil magkakaroon ng conflict of SATISFACTION. dahil may imbalance of emotions na dumadaloy sa dalawang tao, yung isa sobra magbigay tapos yung isa parang tuod na mannequin na manhid at todo tanggap lang. and the sad part of this ang usually bumibigay eh yung tumatanggap lang. maraming reason ang puede ibigay ng ganitong tao, pero ang reality, eh love is involved pero hindi yun ang core ng kaniyang pagkatao.

may sumagi sa isipan, ang mga sinabi ko ba related lang sa mga may relationship lang na nagbreak na? of course not. logically speaking, it works even in the stage of attraction. there is no such thing as love at first sight, if anyone believed it, you may have been fooled my friend.

so paano ko nasabi na it works in the stage of attraction, well simple thing, a lot of people would say in the first stage of dating,na hindi nila malimutan yung kadate nila, na hindi sila makatulog at hindi sila makakain ang stuffs, and most of the time people mistook these signs as falling in love. but the thing is, these things are only signs of having that inequal attaraction. especially, if iisang tao lang nagsasabi ng ganon na feeling. which by the way palaging nasasabi ng guy after a few meetings, na pag nakuha na nila ang girl eh bumabaliktad ang situation… most of the time ganon ang nangyari, i am not generalizing, so please don’t sue me.

well, so ganon dahil may unfed satisfaction, kaya maraming nagwawala or nawawala sa mundo. di rin naman natin masisi yung iba, may panahon daw talaga na ayaw na sa atin ng tao, or ayaw na sa atin ng panahon. so i will stick to my basic realization that the only tragedy in life is not being there on the right time and on the right place.

sabi pa ni James Ingram(hindi yung manufacturer ng baril ha) "there is no easy way to break somebody’s heart " well totoo yun, (based on my experience, masakit pla talaga magka heart attack-am joking(laughter please)) pero dahil we chose to like and love, and commit(or technically have that sense of being in having) a relationship, then yun yung mga consequences na puede mo iface kung sakali man na hindi mag work out ang mga bagay bagay.

okay puede rin ako tanungin, bakit ko ito sinulat, simple lang, para sa isang kaibigan, na marunong magmahal, sa lahat  siya na ang isa sa mga pinakamatinong lalaking nakilala ko. alam ko habang minemend nya ang sugat nya, eh kailangan nya muna kumain ng biskwit at uminom ng tubig, at magdala ng maraming tisyu. biskwit muna, dahil walang gana, tubig para di madehydrate sa kakaiyak, tisyu para kunwari sossy at may posh ang dating.

andaming rason, at ang daming puedeng sabihin, pero hangga’t hindi natin makuha yung core ng lahat, hindi tayo matitigil masaktan, lumuha, at magmukmok. kaya nga siguro maraming tao na lang ang nagsasabi ng ganito "i am not sure" pag tinatanong sila kung masaya ba sila. at least man lang sana may napulot kayong lesson sa crash course/curse on break ups.

sources:

Richard Reyes- charming daw sya at walang kadaladala(tulad ko)

Boy Angkla- ayaw ko mag comment

Boy Padlock- on how to love and not love at all

Slapshock Boi- na muntikan nang umiyak dahil may kayakap na iba ang syota.

My two dogs- who taught me the essence of satisfaction; the art of begging

When Harry met Sally- the concept of hating and loving.

thanks.

darkmau

MALAYA!

ps.

to whom it may concern,

i hope nagets nimo ang point nako na giexplain.para sa imu ni.smile!

the moon and sun

have its place

as the stars

explode in their race.

water flowing

and air keeps blowing

trees are growing

and mountains changing.

the skies above

a canvass to love,

a life and death

in a cycle of one.

yes day and night

might matter

but things like these

are long forgotten.

to where time leads

only the child knows.

a complicated tomorrow

and simple yesterday we long for.

good and evil

existing in one life

one earth,

too many religions.

gold and silver

money and diamonds

things that shimmer

are believed to make life better.

scars and terror

war and aggression

pollution and desolation

score one more for destruction.

the famous and the known

power and the throne

many are left forgotten

society of unknown.

second raced citizen

an alien in their civilization

they own the land

but they can not control.

heroes are dead

killed by villains

the one with the heart dies

and the evil remains.

lust and love

man to man

woman to woman

truth and fallacies.

so many sides

so many stories,

too many lies.

the only truth are angst and sighs.

darkmau

malaya!

i will always remind you

that as long as the skies sway

i will forever stay.

this and all i can do for you.

tahimik kitang babantayan;

di kita iiwan kailanman,

at sa panaginip mo lang

mauunwaan aking nararamdaman.

i’d make a fool out of me,

for you to have that smile;

make you forget your worries,

even for a while.

sapat na sa akin na makita,

na ikaw ay masaya

may ngiti sa labi

at ningning sa mata.

i will sing you a song

serenade you to sleep

i will not wink or blink

while i guard you to dream.

sa katahimikan doon lamang,

magiging akin ang panahon

itigil ang oras;

at alaala mo’y hagkan.

in the morning,

i will wear a smile

and a prayer that

one day you’ll be mine.

isasayaw ka sa umaga,

ililipad ng aking gunita

habang akoy nanampalataya

na maging aking ka nga.

all this i can do

and more

only for you…

and you dont have to say you love me too.

lahat para sa iyo,

at higit pa.

iaalay ko at sa iyo lamang.

kahit na alam kong di tayo babagay.

darkmau

MALAYA!

Quicksand thoughts while i was puffing balls of smoke in air. It was nearly half past nine, and i was talking to my pakistani friend. but he had to go somewhere and i was left alone. thinking that it was rather quite early, i saw this Filipino guy who came inside a pub. since i dont have anything to do, i followed inside. it was a boring pub, old folks came to meet there and large women with big breasts had some drinks, and it was like a circus. the air was foggy and the lights were low, i knew it was going to be a long night, so i phoned my mom and told her that i might be late because i need a quick drink.

everybody knows i dont drink, and i dont have the capacity to last three hours drinking booze. but that night was different. it was so different that i felt so alienated even with my own being. anyway while i ordered my first smirnoff, it was fun. i have experienced the freedom of life for the first time while i was trying to forget things that were listed on my "worry-Files".

and yeah on my second bottle, the filipino came to my table, he was in his middle forties. he had gray hairs all over, imagine the like of JUN ARISTORENAS he looked like that. minus the cow boy outfit of course. he never knew i was Brown Man(NOYPI), not until i was enjoying my third bottle.

i called the man, Tiyo, which was a slang term for uncle, but we never really gave out each others name. i do not know what’s in the pub that people get acquainted but not being too personal. i had the urge to smoke but tiyo doesnt smoke so i just went with the flow. we talked about life and business, the good old jungle juice a.k.a "TUBA". he told me that he was a native from Ilocos Norte but grew up in Manila, he said he was educated in San Beda but then transferred to Mapua because his Uncle wanted him to be there. for some reason he told me things about women and how he came here in United Kingdom. He said that his girlfriend was from Cavite and a registered nurse, and that was the reason he was able to come here. Actually Im getting bored with his topic and Im gulping my sixth bottle of smirnoff and i still feel fine.

with my seventh bottle there were moments of silence, Tio then broke the ice by asking things and stuffs about life. So i told him obvious reasons why i am here, what are the things i like and the things that i am looking forward to like. we had some common thoughts in politics, we both thought its rubbish. as we laughed, and i ordered my eight bottle. by this time my mom phoned me and asked where i was, and so i told him i was on this pub near our place. she asked if i was okay, and i said yes. it was almost half ten. but i still had the urge to drink. i did not know what the hell was on my mind, but i felt drowning on alcohol.

Tio, went to the loo and i could not fight the temptation anymore, i reached in my pocket and i lit my first stick of marlboro red. boy! it felt good to have that first puff, savoring the moment of bliss after longing for the bitter-sweet taste of smoke rolling down your tongue and the aroma of the crisp rolled tobacco simply came out of your nose. it was a short lived nirvana. i finished almost half of the stick when TIo came out. so i asked for apology because i really had the urge to have one and he just smiled at me and said "its alright".

on my tenth bottle we saw this  english couple coming in, they are both in their mid fifties and they sat down somewhere in the corner near the windows. where a slot machine is placed beside them and on their right side was the vendo machine for cigarettes(just one advice dont buy there, its a stick up). so tio and i started to talk about courting. good i said, finally after i loved the taste of this smirnoff thing things are making sense.  we agreed that a man should stop if all his efforts are in vain. he had this big grin on his face while telling me a series of events that happened to him when he courted his girlfriend(obviously now its his wife).

he took out a pen from his pocket, he began scribbling notes, he said he needed to write his thoughts. so i watched him write while i was taking small sips from my drink. i was afraid id be drunk but i did not feel anything close to being tipsy. i was still on my usual cold mode and subtle sarcasm i was perfectly normal, just dont mind the red face.

tio stood up again, and told me he’s gonna have another beer, and so i let him be. as when he came back he brought me another smirnoff ice, and i reached for my coin purse but he stopped me and told me it was on him. geez, maybe it was my lucky night.

he gave me the paper, and asked me what i thought of it, well basically i scan through it and gave me a good laugh.

he wrote this:

a guy should stop courting if the girl is doing this;

1. keeps you posted but your on her shit list.

2. keeps saying bout next time and infinity is her limit.

3.never trust a woman who says she is in a complicated situation.

4.when a woman says its corny it really must be.

5. and if a woman says she is annoyed believe her and fuck off.

for the like of Jun Aristorenas he made me laugh. on my twelfth bottle we talked about plans and things that a man might miss when he is growing old. we left off in the same ground where we both thought that there are more things to do than have sex, and waste time on pubs.on our way out he took a cab, and for me i walked home.

they say i could not last long spree of drinking booze, but i guess they are wrong. oh yeah before i forget the man’s name is Ricardo, he told me his girlfriend did everything he listed but he did not gave up. and boy he told me he is happily married. 12 bottles of vodka,three hours and a half of chat, two Filipino, one pub…crazy stories..

darkmau

Malaya!

-the name might ring a bell to one of my friend, no offense though, i cant change Tio’s name.-

di ko namamalayan

na nawawala ako sa kawalan

lumulutang sa kalawakan

na walang katapusan.

nakakuyom na daliri

at pilit nagsisisi

dahil di ko mawari

kung ano ang mangyayari.

nakaabang sa araw

tulog mababaw

sa madaling araw

sumasayaw, humihiyaw.

pilit kitang lilimutin

ngunit di kita matakasan

parang buwan

na patuloy akong sisinagan.

nalilito naliligaw

parang isang sisiw

giniginaw, natutunaw

parang isang malabong pananaw.

paano ba maitatama

ano nga ba ang magagawa?

habang akoy umiiwas

don yata ako napipilas.

gunita ng isang araw

pawang punyal at balaraw

nakasaksak at nakatarak

kaya ngayon uloy nawawasak.

-darkmau

MaLAYa!

-para sa lahat ng nalito sa hilo-

it was raining but it was humid

the air was stiff

and no words to speak

listening to mumbles.

eager to hold on

but was trembling inside

dont know if i should continue

or stop there and freeze.

remembering the name

remembering the dates

but still learning nothing

forcing but still not selling.

was it me?

or was it time,

beyond truth and fallacy

right there i knew

i could not have you.

for everything

that went wrong today

knowing you

was the only right thing.

magic is gone

everything frozed

tummy is aching,

heart preparing to explode.

beyond words

beyond words

beyond…

words.

darkmau

MALAYA!

-how to sell insurance?

simple…stop trying.

just talk.-

i have recently ventured into something which i am really not good at. and this is in the field of SELLING. yeah you can say, according to your profile your not good at anything, well true, but at least i know what I’m doing on things, but in SELLING? err that remains to be seen.

But way way back during college, i could sell, i could convince my classmates and friends that they need a cologne. so now, i must convince people that they need an INSURANCE COVERAGE. Well most of the people assume that having an INSURANCE is waste of money. they would not hear out details they would just tend to ignore the idea. okay I have nothing against them, its their choice.

its their option, its their choice to keep themselves secured. so one would say, hey i already have an existing policy on a different company, so i guess i don’t need you. well i think your wrong, if your just referring to your life insurance, then maybe its not enough. maybe you only have that long term things going on in your mind, but what if you fail now, what are your fall backs? if you are starting to worry now then you might be needing my assistance. How bout this deal… IF YOU DO NT MAKE A CLAIM DURING THE PERIOD OF THE COVERAGE THEN YOU COULD HAVE 100% OF THE PREMIUM RETURNED TO YOU.

I am not a born salesman, i was trained to write, but as a writer I choose to write with facts involved. I do not trust on normal circumstance, i weigh things before i write it as a fact(I am talking about technical things so don’t go and attack me about issues of love and hate) . And if you feel I am making a point then feel free to message me and let’s sit down and talk. I will lay down my offers, and no matter what you’re doing I’m sure I could fit you in any of our POLICY COVERAGES.

-darkMAU-

MALAYA!

note: MY OFFER IS FOR YOUNG FILIPINOS WORKING/BASED IN LONDON… ITS  A GOOD SECURITY FOR NURSES AND SINGLE PEOPLE IN LONDON. message me at akosikadiliman@yahoo.com or here in friendster.. thank you for reading.

parang setting ito ng pelikula, may bida tayo, binata, may itsura, walang kalatoy latoy manamit pero di siya baduy. nakaupo siya sa upuan ng isang coffee shop. obviously may lamesa tapos may kapeng props, capuccino daw ang drama. sa kanang kamay may ballpen at sa lamesa ay may blankong papel.

im saving all memories

now as i let my time

pass by

and i see you going.

im left hanging,

not knowing

if i should say,

hello or good bye?

ive watched you

for eternity

having that eternal

cup of tea

for take away.

as my heart is sweeped away

by your smile.

Nung paalis na yung babae hinabol nga ng ating bida, sabay pakilala, nginitian lang siya nung dalaga. Well yung dalaga, morena, mahilig sa tea at coffee, maganda, lista at may karisma. pero matapos silang magkakilala, ayun lumisan na ang dalaga, tapos si binata bumalik sa lamesa medyo nanghihina.

I got your number

but it seems

you would not dare bother

im set all for this thing risk,

but no way where i could drive.

as you smile,

i tend to forget

what is logical.

and all words in me

seemed to be

washed away.

so i guess

id just wait for another day.

i feel fine

anytime your around.

Nagantay nanaman kinabukasan ang binata, same position, ibang damit lang ang suot, pero same pen at same order. nag aabang, halatang kinakabahan. tinext niya yung dalaga, nagparamdam siya, isang malamlam na hello lang ang natanggap niya. medyo luhaan si binata nung ang celphone niyay binulsa.at sa wakas makalipas ang tatlong oras lumitaw si dalaga, may ngiti sa mukha. pero tila yata nalimutan na yung binata.

an irony in your smiles

while i try to keep you high,

i am kept on the ground,

not knowing

if this is right or wrong.

but im making a fool

out of my existence,

waiting wandering

should you tell me

if everything is okay.

i thought i believed in you

but each hour

is eternity of sadness

while your here

a five minute high

and a lonesome goodbye

without you knowing

im falling over

a cup of coffee

and my hundred stories

to tell

about me

slowly falling

for you.

Hindi na pinilit ng ating bida ang panahon. matapos na iwanan siya nung dalaga mula noon. nanahimik si binata, pumupunta pa rin siya sa coffee shop pero di na siya nagsusulat. di na rin niya inabangan yung dalaga.kaso nagitla siya nung may binigay ang waiter na sulat.

ive noticed you before

you caught me,

but it was not our time to be.

maybe now you would understand

things of why and how.

as time is falling

and everything is rearranging phases,

but i still go here,

hoping that one day

you would stop writing

and one day

start talking .

as you fill me

with butterflies,

would you like to have a cup

of coffee, and have

some stories to tell?

hmm… may dapat pa ba akong sabihin?

-darkmau

MALAYA!

no hero could save

a heart in despair.

no clown could make

a lonely heart laugh.

not even rain or sunshine

could make a heart live

when its totally withered

over laments and pain.

nothing could ease the pain

when nothing could be seen,

no cure or medicine

would ever heal that love broken.

in time to etenity

the heart will suffer,

and in despair one finds

the answer.

and its time to go,

a loving heart must love

and in the end

it will be loved.

darkmau

MALAYA!

looking back at the times,

when i could still see your eyes

oh what a feeling everytime

my heart leaps,

everytime i could see you

pass me by.

too late now for memories

gone long goodbyes,

someone owns your heart,

your bond is forever

and you could never be mine.

was i a minute too late?

was i too afraid to say?

was i going for a chase with you…

all i have are tears

left unshed for feelings unshared.

too late now to say..

your heart could be mine.

darkmau

MALAYA!