he recieved an email.
it was good
it was from the one he loved.
he looked at the content
it was loving.
he looked at the add
it made him dead.
its still the same last name.
@ capital one.
darkmau
MALAYA!
posible:
na ang demonyo, tao at diyos ay magkakaibigan
pareparehong nakaupo sa isang bilog na lamesa
tumutungga ng di mauubos na serbesa
pero di sila kailanman naging pantay.
ang demonyo tuso,
sa bawat tagay pinapalusot niya sa tao
ang tao gago, sakim sa alak at mayabang
inom at lagok sa bawat abot ng baso.
ang Diyos makatwiran
sa paghawak ng baso
madaming diskusyon bago tatayo at magkakalimutan.
habang ang Diyos ay umiihi sa kubeta
ang demonyo patuloy na pinaglalaruan ang tao
ang tao ay paulit ulit na nagpapalinlang sa demonyo
kaya pag ang tao nalasing
nakakaligtaan niya na ang Diyos ay kasama niya.
pero kahit anong pilit magpakabuti ng tao
nalilinlang pa rin siya ng demonyo.
walang katapusan na usapan
paikot ikot na inuman.
ang tao manghihina, malalasing at mawawalan ng malay
mapipikon ang demonyo at hahamunin ang Diyos
at yun na siguro ang simula ng delubyo.
magigising ang tao at malamang masilayan niya
ang away ng dalawa
pero dahil sa parehong kapangyarihan
di niya alam kung sino ang papanigan.
isang magulong mundo.
ang mabuting at masamang mundong ginawa
para sa tatlong uri
ANG DIYOS
ANG DEMONYO
ANG TAO.
malamang matapos ang away
nagiinuman na naman ang tatlo.
tiyak lasing nanaman ang Tao.
darkmau
MALAYA!
a medley of emotions
going down for a call
the meeting of minds
craving for some action.
a sound of solitude
kept underground
subversive thoughts
over some manic situations.
one call left unanswered
hovering the skies
an uncertainty
but only held down by gravity.
time and space collapse
yet the pain remains
passing of thoughts….
while we remain wondering.
its all truth and lies
and nothing remained still
the static changes
over the period of cycles.
its on circular motion
on a straight path
where only night and day
remained its evidence.
unending saga
morality on the line
the ethics for pain…
all for the price of living.
darkmau
MALAYA!
okay. i am me. well i used to be good with words, placing every syllable according to where it should be and making a sense about everything no matter how nonsensical it is. i can be who i want to be, err with words- just limited to words alone.
i used to hate writing short stories, i am not good with descriptive writing, i think, my biggest weakness is expository writing, and i call myself a freelance writer. but what i do and how i do it is out of the issue.
well you can basically say that i am a messed up creature of God. and why do i say this? hmmm, i hate it when the question begins with this big WHY with its complicating cousin HOW. okay so the basic reason is because, no matter how simple things could be, i always manage myself to get in a tangled complicated situation. and take note…no matter how simple it is.
back when i was in elementary, i got lucky to be accelerated, and i wont talk about how hell life back then. but my story is about fractions and decimal points. it was an easy mathematical equation, and i could remember the teacher, well she was not a teacher for me, she was basically a ruling dragon, she fags a lot, but hell she was a good math teacher. so anyway she taught us about this basic fractions and decimals. at first it was easy…yet in the later part i was a mess. okay so i must admit i am not good with numbers, but boy that equations were piece of cake.
okay lets get on with some other things, and lets leave the academic things behind buried. or buried behind, whatever suits you. and its a punch line you could laugh now or smirk if you want.
i was dating this girl way back in, and everything was okay, except for one thing, i was in a complicated situation with someone else which did not occur to me not until i totally screwed up. okay i must admit i am not good looking, nor i have the power to woe a girl, I’m complete pushover but loaded with luck. so where did it lead me, oh you don’t want to know. and yeah i learned so much from my complicated mind and choices.
have you ever been in a line where you silently,patiently waits for your turn? oh my life is like a long linw, a long line where i patiently and impatiently waits for my turn, and when its my turn it just doesn’t come the way i expected it to be. i hate frustrations, but i guess i am a magnet of this thing. i applied for this job once, a medical representative for SQUIBB.. yeah its big company..we’re talking about BRISTOL MEYERS, oh so i passed everything and i was done with my training and then suddenly when i had my area ready, here comes a frustrating call from my loving mother. oh man you don’t want to know how the conversation went. but i just had to decline. and after that no job interview came easy.
i applied for this motorcycle store somewhere in Davao(its in Philippines, southern part if you are curious, one day id offer you a tour with it and it will be slightly cheap..okay let me go on) and then the manager finally asked me.
manager: DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE?
me:(could not even keep a balance on a bicycle, answering proudly) NO SIR!
manager: THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU APPLYING FOR THIS JOB?!?
me: FOR EXPERIENCE SIR!(how stupid could i get!)
manager: AHHH! GO BACK WHEN YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE!
and there goes my application in the trash.
it seems like i am always at the wrong end of the road. I had this car accident once where the bumper of car was completely whammed out. and it was alright because it was an intersection and accidents happen on intersections right. but the thing that i could never accept, it happened during a God damned TRANSPORT STRIKE! imagine the road in the PHILIPPINES especially in Davao during a transport strike???? its as free as a big football arena and i messed up. good thing i knew that person whom i had bumped with and he just let me go. well he had minor damage, my car was totally fucked up. hey but at least i get to have a free smoke from him. and if you’ve seen the look on my father’s face ahh it was priceless, he could have shot me right there and then. ha ha
okay more random stories, i was courting this girl for over a year, and yes i liked her very much and so i just did go with the flow. we talked for hours over the phone during night times, and take not i still had a big brick cellphone, well you could tell from which era i came. so anyway we were coping with these all waiting crap, until suddenly i could not wait, at exactly one year i popped the big question. and boy it was an amazing ending she said YES. was it a happy ending???
i would not be writing this story if it was. a week later we broke up, for one reason, i was just asking her if she was sure of her answer… and she misunderstood everything and mistaken me of giving her a graceful exit and boom that was the end of the story. and i don’t know how that happened but it happened.
have you ever felt so strong that in reality you were weak? well its a feeling we don’t want to feel. how bout feeling something you thought is nice and quite good but in reality its just full of crap. i am placed in this situation by my very own best friend. imagine a best friend giving his best friend a "text mate", and then that text mate was smart funny and quite sensible. oh how i loved that texting moments, i was still fond of that new SMS technology because text messaging was still free. all was set… i was ready to meet her.
but it was a hoax. SHE who is supposed to be smart, funny, sensible, was not a SHE…its a HE. a gay, a "manash", a ghandu(for Hindi) BADING for us pinoys. and it was a hell of laughter. after that experience i never had interest using my phone for nonsensical friendships. don’t get me wrong, i don’t have anything about gays-lets be clear with that.
i still keep on struggling until now.well nobody said that life is easy, especially when you are not on your comfort zone. here in abroad i experienced more bloopers and blunders in life. i still come across with frustrations a lot. and i don’t know if i am taking it in a healthy manner. sometimes i just felt like jumping to the train tracks while the train is approaching while they are announcing "mind the GAP" . but i felt it would be alot of hassle for paper works just to recover my smashed cadaver. i don’t wanna die like a minced meat pizza. well i don’t know if its completely normal of contemplating death as the last resort to escape.
i know there is more to life,i used to feel this burning passion in me that i could something more, i could be more of who i can be. but i have realized that even enthusiasm has its limitation. like a candle it just starts to flicker. and as you grow older ideals just become a decoration on the wall. all the good comments of your past mentors are all just deceiving tickets to get on and grow old. maybe i made some wrong decisions in life.
as my father would always say, that there are no wrong decisions, its just the results that turn out wrong. and my father could be a famous philosopher and comedian. i need an escape.
i need something more in my life. i need to realign myself and focus to where i want to be. lately i am not myself, i do not belong to a space where i should be. i am a living creature but not having life. i should have listened to my best bud…"where is everything when you die" and he is damn right. but deep inside i know i am a good soul, i tried pleasing everyone, tried to uplift everyone but i messed up in driving my own life. did i make a wrong turn when i saw the green light? or i am still waiting for my time to come? maybe.
but one day i will wake up and finally i could say that things are coming on my way. and id be at the right line, at the right time and the right space with the right feeling. one day.
my father told me: destiny is not a matter of chance it is a matter of choice.
and he could be right. and this time he is not joking. i will learn to drive that motorcycle.
darkmau
malaya!
hindi mo malalaman…
di mo makikita.
baka nga, di mo pa madama.
kasi…
wala akong sasabihin.
titigan lamang kita.
baka sakali may masabi aking mata.
hindi ko alam,
kung paano simulan
ipahiwatig sa yo ang nilalaman
ng puso kong bato..
baka…
sabihin mo nagbibiro nanaman ako
baka…
iwasan mo ako
at sabihing di mo ako gusto.
kaya,
wala kang maririnig
di ko rin naman ipapahiwatig.
pero….
kung sakali man
may pagkakataon..
patawad na…
patawad na…
dahil mahal kita.
nang di ko alam ang dahilan.
darkmau
malaya!
-i need help… i cant write-
the phone rings in the middle of night and she wondered who could it be.
"hello" she said
"there is so much behind the surface" and the caller hung up.
she thought that it was a wrong number so she went back to sleep. the next day on her way to work she saw a big billboard on the high street with a slogan THERE IS SO MUCH BEHIND THE SURFACE, it was an ad for a new car. and so the phrase stuck in her mind but she just ignored it and continued with her day.
on her lunch break, she went to a nearby pub to grab something to eat. and as she ordered her eyes were caught on the tele on top, it was news flash about a guy who was dead hanging on the billboard he saw that morning. her hairs stood up and she lost her appetite for lunch and she just went back to work.
later that night, as she was about to sleep she again received a phone call, it was about the same hour as the previous night when the mystery caller phoned.
"under the moon and stars" said the caller and hung up.
she then called her best friend and told her the story about this mystery caller. her best friend went to her place and stayed with her. she was so afraid and she needed someone.
she then booked for a holiday and left London. she went to an island in the pacific to unwind. it was what she need a holiday and away from the hassle metro life in London.she left everything, and she did not bring any mobile phone. all she had was her passport and her credit cards.
on the day of her arrival in the island as she was riding the hotel bus she saw a leaflet near her seat. it was about the amenities and services offered by the hotel. on the end of the sentence of the leaflet says "under the moon and stars". and she was hell shocked with what she read.
on that night there was big fire in that hotel and about a hundred people got injured and three people died. two were British. she knew one of them, it was here former classmate during her university days.
she did not enjoy her holiday and she was forced to come back to London. she could not be left alone, and she had to stay with her parents. her mom was suffering from cancer and her dad is taking care of her mom. her mom was on her terminal stage. her brother died when she was three, he was shot by a drunk man. Her older sister suffered a mental condition that she had to be treated in a psychopathic ward.
while in her parents house she stayed in her old room. looking for her old things, she found her old diary. it was during her teenage years. she was reading some excerpts when she came across an entry about a boy who fancied her. he was three years younger than him, but the problem was she never liked him. she liked his best friend that’s why he used him to get closer with his best friend. she went out with the boy but later dumped him because she already was going out with his best friend.
the boy committed suicide and on his suicide note he said.
"among everything i knew, there was nothing. but i am sure there is something more in the surface. under the moon and stars on this foggy night all i know that she was everything i had. and if death is the only way that i could ease my pain then death will be served."
she had the suicide note on her diary. and she did not know how that happened. she ran as fast as she could outside the door to catch some fresh air. as she walked down the streets of her old neighborhood a speeding car was going on her way and it was inevitable she was hit. and she died immediately.
the driver of the car got away, and there was no evidence that someone drove the car. it was a mystery.
the truth is:
it was no ghost or superficial accident. it was mainly a case of a delusional lady who had so much drugs in her system. there was no phone calls. there had no notes. it was all in her mind.
but…
two things remained true.
1. the boy who committed the suicide
2. the speeding car.
so the question is who was driving the car… and that was the part nobody can solve.
the end.
darkmau
MALAYA!
-ho hum…suspense is not my material. but im trying though.-
akoy aliping makina
may susi na tawag ay pera
sa bawat pag ikot mo
isang oras na galaw
katumbas ng piso.
no work
no pay
yan ang patakaran ng aking mundo
minsan mas mabigat
kung di abot ang quota
wala ring kita
may bawas pa
SSS
PHIL HEALTH
TAX
at katakot takot
dagdag bawas upang
ang susi koy di na malamanan
at tyan koy magmistulang
butas na kalan.
pero kailangan daw kumilos
dahil bawal ang tamad
kung di raw babangon
wala raw paroronan.
pero sabi nong kasama ko
wala raw si chairman
nasa GUAM
kasama ng mga hinayupak na burges
naglalaro ng golf.
ako ay isang makinang alipin
bawal magreklamo
sige na isusi mo na ang piso.
darkmau
MALAYA!
she said nothing when he said "i love you". but that did not mean she did not love him. she loved him from the very start he knew him, but he will never know that.
he was this guy who loves to love, all the women came and go, just like the seasons, but true to his words he loved them all. but all left him alone. and then he met her. a woman beyond his league, incomparable to all those he met before. and he truly felt the meaning of what it is to fall in love. he dropped everything for her, he gave up all the women, all the vices for her just to prove his love, but he never won her heart or so as he thinks.
she knew guys like him won’t change. she knew that like a snake once given a chance he would hurt her like a helpless mouse . and she would not allow herself to be caught in that deception. so no matter how strong the feeling was she never gave in.
it was a game of push and pull. they both had the same feeling but both are going in opposite direction.
but one day he turned away and decided to leave her alone. for he learned that true love lets go. and on that moment she realized that true love doesn’t know fear. again they went on different direction. who was to be blamed on this scenario, him? who was foolish no to know true love not until he met her. or her who knows love but was afraid to get hurt.
i don’t know. but all i know is that one day we will come across the same path as they have and only then we could see who is to be blamed. and God forbids we don’t blame Love.
darkmau
MALAYA!
remember when we were kids and our parents take us some place for a Sunday day out or trip to a shop or anywhere and we suddenly come across some peddlers and beggars on the streets, and our parents would begin their talk about effective parenting and using education as the only means to avoid that fatal situation of being a street peddler or beggar. they would always say that education is the only way out to the unending poverty. and maybe… just maybe they are right. but Ive been thinking, what else in life matters aside from having fame, money and glory?
do we have a heavenly award for a mortal, living an uptight life and following every ethical way of living? what else is waiting after we finish school, have a job, earn and make a family…then what? aren’t we tired of having that usual cycle of safety that the only way we could be somewhere is by burning our candles. the worst trend now is finishing school and leaving the country as soon as possible. i have been tired of hearing the same comments that there is no future in the Philippines. Yes I agree that there is less future in our country but, if we pull our weight together maybe we could be heading somewhere then we don’t really have to pack and leave.
somebody told me that our Philippine Politics is full of shadowy people, well then, if its not full of people like that then its not politics. I was watching Godfather part 3 when they Don Luchessi told Vince Corleone that that Finance and Politics work hand in hand. Don Luchessi said that Gun is a Finance and Politics is knowing when to pull the trigger of the gun. It is one of the best explanation that i could relate with the Philippine situation. again I’m taking everything in one blow.
but could we really live our lives and let down the pressure out of our backs. Ive been doing masteral studies for quite some time now, and slowly my fuse is running low. and sometimes i feel the pressure of whats doing next, its like i am blaming all hardships on the Philippine Government cause if things could have been better then i did not have to leave to seek for greener pasture…like a cow.
in the end i have been asking myself, after all these hardships and bitter life, what awaits me ? i don’t know. there is no guarantee that i could land somewhere where i would not worry about milk and honey. life is a gamble. what if all my hard work fail to nothing but dust of oblivion. i seek more but sometimes i find less. could i just stop and start enjoying life while i am all able than doing everything now so i could enjoy later when half of my body is paralyzed or the worst me ending up dead due to fatigue.
what are things that should matter? getting rich ? then what? or enjoying life and not knowing what happens after. the results are the same… in the end we all end up…DEAD. in my confusion, i seek for guidance.how bout you? have you made your choice?
darkmau
MALAYA!
