man in the fridge

ive heard this story somewhere. but im going to re tell this tailored to my style.

he was in his thirties, an occasional drinker, married with two daughters, aged 4 and 3. his friends call him Jok, short for his name Joqarios. and no he is not portugese or brazillian. the story of his name is behind the wafer thingy called "barquillios" but his mom kept on forgetting to pronounce the wafer and keeps on calling it joqarios. sounds illogical, yeah even i think so.

his wife is thirty one, an assertive lady and a proud manager of a petrol station near their place. everyone calls her Angie. but her real name is Geline Maya. ahh its so funny how we Filipino alter names.

they are married for 7 years now, they never argued on anything major, never had a major fight that would cause platonic effect(the plates flying inside the house). they were not that sweet loving couples but they kept their relationship smooth.

Jok is a mechanic, but he is selling insurance and never had the chance to own a car. he is using his five year old motorbike which he bought from an auction. so everyone would say Jok is not that attractive guy, but he has way with things.

but Jok keeps a secret. for their long years of marriage, he keeps a mistress. her name is Lina, a nurse but did not pass the board exam after three takes. and decided to become a singer in a bar. Jok is no fan of the bars and clubs but due to a client he met Lina. and from then on a thousand sexual fantasy could be written. but since i told you i would write this story according to my style, i am leaving that part behind.

but Jok managed to keep his affair with Lina for three years and Angie dont know a thing. and she might never know. Jok only communicates with Lina through SMS and Angie never touches Jok’s phone. but Jok is wise he never lets his phone lying anywhere.

but one day, on his way home Jok saw two of his friends fighting. he was trying to keep them from hurting each other. but his other friend was ill tempered and pulled out a knife and while Jok was in the middle he was stabbed.

Jok was rushed to the hospital.it was a miracle that his two friends completely forgot what they were fighting for. Jok was losing consciousness.

" Pare kaya mo yan, papunta na si Angie dito sa Emergency"

with that statement from his friend. JOk opened his eyes. and reached for something.

"Pare paki kuha nga ng cellphone ko sa bulsa." Jok said

his friend reached for the phone and gave it to him.

"Paki buksan nga ang phone ko at pakikuha ng simcard ko"

his friend did what Jok wanted and said

"Tang ina naman Jok mamatay ka na, uunahin mo pa rin linisin ang kagaguhan mo"

and Jok blurted

"Gago pag ako nabuhay dito at nabasa ni misis ang phone ko malamang siya ang pumatay sa akin".

and Angie arrived. and Jok simply crushed the simcard and managed to slide it somewhere.

darkmau

MALAYA!

-laughtrip

today…

i realized i am growing old. for the first time i felt like i am going somewhere. i will be 24 this year. wo hoo.. and boo hoo at the same time. im still in school trying to finish my masteral. doing menial jobs for a fast food chain. haha. and i still play and swing with some stuffs in this world. 

a classmate from elementary said there are plans being made for a mini reunion, and i think its a good idea. oh i miss those days. people changed, life changed. gone are the days that  i worry about fraction and memorizing facts about history and science. i miss the times we do presentations on stage, singing things about vegetables, dancing and swaying on the beat of traditional music.

so much time passed. but i now feel that there is something better. a few more months/years of sleepless nights and tiring jobs, and it will be all over. hardwork plus a stroke of luck can and will get you somewhere. no one is born loser. if that day comes and it will, id smile and look bact to the day i find myself happy.

peter pan is growing old. welcome to the age of reason.

darkmau

MALAYA!

if tomorrow never comes.

and the sun refuse to shine

and the rains just wont stop to fall

all things just wont come your way.

one day your beauty will falter

you’d lose that youthful glow

that pearly white smile

and long black silky hair…

but dont despair,

if that day comes

id still be close

and i wont move an inch far.

if all your plans just fail

and nothing would come your way

i would still be here

caring for you…

if you lose your luster

lose everything that matters

i am here, if time wont let things fall

according to its proper places.

darkmau

malaya

ISH*

the software crashed

all the things ive done for the past 12 hours

gone to drain

hell migraine!

all the shits and curse

used to make me okay

but none worked

until you said

"learn to save okay?"

darkmau

MALAYA!

pauwi ako kanina galing sa skul. hayy lintek na skul walang katapusan.. s-k-u-l hehehe.. may naalala ako, yung pamangkin sinali daw sa spelling contest, tas sa unang word nung examiner, "SPELL SCHOOL" aba yung bata within 10 seconds sumagot ng… S -K-U-L School! o kitams… sagot nung examiner… OUT!

anyways balik sa kwento ko, yun nga pauwi ako, nakasakay kami sa tube kasama ang pakistani classmate ko na ang pangalan niya OMER, at wag nyo na hanapin si MARGE okay. binubutingting niya ang mp3 player niya. nagkataon naman na pareho kami ng mp3 player, kaso mas matanda lang yata yung akin, pero naamze ako kasi pareho kami ng model ng player pero iba ang kulay ng backlight nya. hahaha… natawa nanamn ako kasi may settings pala para sa backlight. and hindi ko po yun alam. nagmukha akong tanga.. and the fact is i had that thing for 5 months na. hehe.

pero di pa yun ang core ng story ko, kasi nung mghiwalay na kami ni omer, kasi lumipat ako ng ibang linya ng tube, something struck me real hard. oo, tama ang iniisip niyo naipit ako sa pintuan ng tube. at buti na lang bumukas ulit yung pintuan. anyways nung nasa kabilang linya na ako ng tube, may nabasa akong paskil, its a love poem. i cant seem to remember the exact lines, but it talks about love is like a sno, na its majestic breathe would always seem to go… basta ang poet is si Anne Stevenson, i google niyo na lang.

pero i must admit, she capsulized the words na hinahanap ko ever since ive started writing poems way back in 93. yeah matanda na ako. but still i cant get the words right. nakakainggit nga minsan pag tinitignan ko yung mga poetry  nung ibang bloggers, wow! plantsado.

okay. okay.. wala na ako sasabihin..

darkmau

MALAYA!

the grayish skies on this unfateful day came,

the realization of thousand fear;

amidst the crowd of hundreds,

I felt you near.

down the road i saw your smile

if only those sweetness could be mine,

amongst the foes of uncertainty

one remained constant… my undying faith for your return.

the forever distance of this manic feeling

wraps my existence frozen.

the static dormant reality,

my rose could not be sent to you- directly.

oh i hold the light as the shadows bend

as this night won’t just come to an end

the pain and sorrow i can not mend

only you can bring all these to end.

darkmau

MALAYA

di ko na nasasakyan ang takbo ng panahon,

parang isang paglalakbay na bumabaon,

sa isang malayang kaisipan na walang paroroonan.

parang isang kasiyahang nakagapi sa gitna ng kalawakan….

nais kong lumaya at makita ang liwanag;

nais kong matuto at makatakas bilang bihag…

ayokong umalis at masaktan ng walang makakamtan;

gusto kong makuha ang tala na aking pinaghirapan.

gusto kong limutin ang mga kabiguan,

at isigaw sa mundo na wala na akong nakaraan,

pero, parang isang hukay di pala puedeng takasan…

ang isang mundo, na puno ng kalungkutan.

hindi ko na nais ang bilangin ang araw

di na maibabalik ang mga nakaraan sayaw…

mga kahapon na nakikipagtunggali sa ngayon

panahon na walang patutunguhan, bukas na walang katiyakan.

darkmau!

MALAYA!

taking one step forward

looking back to where i was

and now im here

missing the old space ,there.

i looked at the past photo

a rare smile of me ,

a picture of you

your hand holding my hand.

its the feeling i miss

the moments of bliss

the passing thoughts

of each coming day.

can i just stay for a while

and not move an inch

this is where we used to be

circles and uncertainty…

dear valentine,

masaya ba ang valentines ko? ewan di ko alam. toxic ako sa lahat ng bagay. hassle ang skul, ang trabaho, ang  pamilya pati na rin ang interest rate pinoproblema ko na rin. pero ikaw lang yata ang nagpapasaya sa akin. parang shabu at marijuana na patuloy nagpapataas ata nagpapababa ng aking mood swings. neutralizer kumbaga. perfect drug in short. lahat yata ng malas sinasambot ko na, pero ayos lang yun in due time naman alam ko may mapupulot ako sa walang kasawa sawang push and pull na mundo.

so wag ka na magtaka kung bakit unromantic ng panimula ko, epekto yan ng unromantic situation na napapanood ko sa aking mini cinema which is my imagination. palibhasa kasi halos pikit mata ko nang nilalakbay ang winter para lamang mabuhay. pero lam mo, paminsan minsan naiisip ko na ring mag give up. pero hindi… sabi ko sa sarili ko pag nag give up ako lalo akong pagtatawanan nung ex boss ko. hayy ayaw ko na siyang isali sa usapan , tumaaas lang ang presyon ko kasabay ng pagtaas ng inflation rate sa pinas.  kanina sa bus nung paalis ako nakakita pala ako ng dalawang tao, palagay ko mag on sila, im not sure pero the way they kiss iba eh. oo nakakainggit. sobrang di ko mapigil ang maging hopeless romantic sa ganun. at huwag ka tumawa, hindi libog yun.

kailan nga ba akong huling nagpakatotoo sa mundo? hmmn , palagi ko naman tinatry pero i just fall short… masisi mo ba ako? lahat naman tayo born liars. magmula sa ating magulang hanggang sa mga teachers natin sa skul. lahat sila nagsinungaling sa atin. essence ba ng life is mabuhay, magkamalay, mag aral, mag hanap ng trabaho, mag asawa, magka pamilya, mag retire, at mag antay mamatay? asan yung magic sa life mo don? asan yung essence ng existence mo? wala.

bakit di ba puedeng gawin yung gusto mo, na walang hahadlang sa iyo, yung mere fact na puede ka mag saya, magpaka totoo, gawin lang bagay na gusto mo, at umibig sa taong gustong gusto mo, na hindi ka mag woworry na mamatahin ka ng pamilya nung taong yun na dahil wala kang natapos, wala kang pera, wala kang kotse or anything na luho. yung sana ang mundo tumatakbo lang sa essence na gusto masaya kalang dahil nagmamahal ka at minamahal ka? pero hindi naman ganun ang mundo. and that is the sad part.

kelan ba yung last time nasabi mo sa sarili mo na fulfilled ka dahil feel mo buo ang pagkatao mo. na hindi ka naghahanap ng something more sa kung anong meron ka. huwag mong sabihin oo nafeel mo na yun, well sige pagpalagay na natin na nafeel mo yun.. ang tanong eh how long did it last ba? hindi rin naman for long diba?… yun sigurado yun. kasi di naman walking constant sequence ang mundo. hindi siya flat plotted.

pero alam mo, habang iniisp ko ang lahat ng to, at kasabay nito naiisip din kita, doon… doon ko lang nafefeel ang magic. pero naman kasi ang problema taken ka. taken din ako. taken ka ng real life at ako ay nabubuhay sa pantasya na hindi ko alam kung si peter pan nga ba ang nagprogram. katulad mo gusto ko rin maging malaya, pero hindi, hindi natin magawa. una may mga hindrance, pangalawa masyado akong takot umapak sa pangalawang baitang. masyado akong napapraning sumulong. kasi takot akong makasakit, at takot akong masaktan.

pero ayos lang naman. pero kung bibigyan ako ng pagkakataon na maulit ang buhay ko, marami akong gagawin, babaliktarin ko ang mundo para lang mapalapit sa iyo. ikaw pa rin ang gugustuhin ko. ang pakakamahalin ko. bakit? kasi ikaw lang yung nagbibigay kulay sa madilim kong mundo.

pero ang tanong… kelan ka kaya darating? tumatanda na ako, pero parang ang tagal tagal mo pa rin. pero nandito pa rin ako.. mag aantay, habang nag lalaro ng hide and seek sa mga kaibigan kong pinagkakautangan. o siguro naman natawa ka na… dahil nagsulat ako ng isang bagay na parang walang patutunguhan. magulo lang ang mundo ko. yun ang bottom line. kaya sige sa susunod sana harapan ko na mailahad ang lahat ng gusto ko sabihin.

nagaantay,

valentine mo pero di mo lang kilala.

liham ito ng taong patuloy naghihimutok sa isang sulok ng karimlan. habang ninamnam ang bawat oras ng kalungkutan…para sa mga taong  nawawala, naghahanap, at nagpapaka baliw. tulog na tayo.

darkmau

MALAYA!

"sindihan na yan, at uuuuubo…" Panalo by color it red

magkano kaya ang babayaran kong utang?

upang sa hinagpis makatakas?

ilang pawis at dugo ang dapat dumanak

para mapalaya sa hindi matakasang problema.

di lang naman pera ang usapan,

nagaaway tayo sa kultura, sa kulay at pulitika.

yung tatsulok at mga payasong nakabarong,

nakangiting asong buaya.

walang katapusang lagayan…

ubusan ng kahihiyan.

may pagitan ang bawat bagay,

di puedeng abutin ang langit ng lupa,

may diskriminasyon sa tagalog, bisaya at ibang lahi,

e ano kung baluktot ang tagalog ko,

di naman ibig sabihin non bobo ako…

edukasyon na para sa lahat, libre nga ang iilan,

ang tanong; ano ba ang natutunan.

dumadami ang kriminal at pusakal,

mga taong sinakdal ng isang hustiyang di pantay.

mga alila ng dayuhan,

bakit kailangang maging mabait sa mga peste na iyan?

minsan sila na ang may sala, sila pa ang mayabang…

at sa lupa pa ni Juan sila nakaapak… anak ng tyanak!

o kung saan ka man umabot, huwag mo kalimutan

na ikaw ay may pinagmulan.

pinoy ka ba?

ako oo…

hindi dapat magpatayan sa prinsipyo,

walang matitira sa atin

kung tayo ay mag uubusan…

darkmau

MALAYA!