man in the fridge

i woke up to sleep again

only to find you deep in my mind.

just to hold near,

the thoughts i keep.

.

the clouded and blurry images,

dont matter, in my heart i know;

it’s you that i see,

faith as in any way.

.

the sadness of the cold nights,

move away to bright and sunny dreams,

while you are there to stay,

as i try to dance and sway.

.

but each time i open my eyes,

all that is left to see,

are old photographs

of you and the long forgotten us.

.

and i just went back to sleep

just to see you again,

the thoughts i keep,

can only be found deep while i sleep.

.

darkmau

malaya!

little boy:

"i will give you flowers and sunshine, and smiles across that rainbow."

little girl:

"i am trading my freedom for your happiness"

little boy:

"over the sea and through this unknown dimension i will stay."

little girl:

" i have traded my freedom for your happiness"

little boy:

"i will send you my puppy and my toys for you not to get bore on rainy afternoons"

liitle girl:

"i traded my freedom for your happiness."

little boy:

"everything will not be enough just to show how much you mean to me.."

little girl:

"and my freedom is everything, more than what you could offer".

me:

"i have traded their freedom for my happiness."

darkmau

MALAYA!

isusuko ang kahulihulihang patak ng dugo,

mabili lamang ang luho,

ng espasyo at panahon.

malapitan at makamtan,

ang pag-ibig na walang hanggan.

.

hinding hindi matitinag,

ang binti sa pagtakbo,

mapalapit lamang sa iyo.

at isang araw,

ihaharap ka sa dambanang walang hanggan.

.

kulang ang araw, buwan at mga bituin,

ang ulap at hangin,

dagat at maging mga bundok,

upang maipakita sa iyo,

na ang puso ay totoo.

.

sa pag udyok ng ikot ng hindi natatapos;

na mundong nakagapos,

sa mga huwad na katotohonan,

ngunit di bale na,

hanggang sa impyerno ikaw ay hahabulin.

.

habang ikaw ay natatanaw sa panaginip,

lalong naiinip,

gustong ipihit ang takbo ng oras,

pabilisin ang takbo ng mundo,

at sa iyo mapadpad.

.

sa kamay ay hahawakan,

at di na bibitiwan.

magunaw man ang sanglibutan,

at hinding hindi na muling luluha,

ang bawat gabi ay sing tamis ng umaga!

.

dulot ng pag ibig na nagsasayaw.

pag ibig na nagsasayaw,

sa ulan nagtatampisaw,

eto sa langit ang hinihiyaw.

sa wakas ngayon ang dating malabo…. ay malinaw.

.

mau

MALAYA!

ano nga ba ang meron sa mga pangalan ng mga tao? does it really say something of who they are? trust me based on my experiences they  don’t match. palpak ang pagkakagawa ng names ng mga tao. well hindi naman lahat pero sa mga nakilala ko karamihan sa kanila parang binigyan ng sakit ng ulo at hindi justification ang name nila. haha.

huwag magtitiwala sa mga pangalang nagsasabi ng magandang adjective. lalo na yung mga names na blessing, love, justice, at courage. mahihirapan ka idecipher ang kanilang personality. and never stereotype them in the sense kung pano sila pinangalanan. as in baka madisappoint ka. 

darkmau

malaya!

held up suspended,

by the words that made

my world stop.

.

as freedom doesnt come

easy as it is spoken,

and all your memories

haunt my dreams.

.

and neither my mind,

nor my body,

wants to sleep,

swallowing the bitter pill.

.

maybe then maybe,

all good things come,

to tragic endings.

.

your magical charms

took me dead.

and only time could revive.

for now i am,

plainly suspended.

.

darkmau

malaya!

as you fill me up,

i fly.

the sweetness of your

disturbing silence.

.

up in the sky,

i meet your logic.

wishing that this…

would not be tragic.

.

i tremble,

and your rage,

keeps me tight,

ground zero.

.

your smiles,

your wishes,

up in the air…

one by one coming true.

.

fill me more,

make me free,

let me be;

love me.. and id be floating there too.

.

darkmau

malaya!

yes. i am the villain. and this is meant to be. and you dont have to like me, and i dont have to like you. i dont really care if i matter much to you, after all i am the villain.

but come to think of this, where will all the heroes be, if i did not became their arch enemy? do you think justice league, or the super friends can be famous without the likes of me? i have my own reason why i became a villain. i moved forward because somebody pushed me. what will be my role if i stayed being plain.

yes, even before the authors thought of me, i was inside them. and i am inside you. one can never be pure good… nor purely bad. all human beings are cocktails of the spirit, a mixed entity of what is right and what is socially unacceptable. without me, the villain, there will be no GODS, there will be no love, there will be nothing but day and night.

if i did not turned against the  will of the good then Judas would never have kissed Jesus. i am the villain, but i live with my cause. if my passion is strife and anger, then that is because i have to make a balance to this world. we live on earth with perceived reasons, with enigmatic ideas, and not to mention day dreaming thoughts of a just and humane society. THERE will be none of these, if i am not present.

what makes a beer taste good? is it because of its temperature? no. it is because of the bitterness inside the process of its fermentation. and i am the bitterness. i am the pain. i am the villain.

what good is your morals if i am not present. how will your law provide its use if i am not seen. but come to think of this… in every day of your life how have you turned out to be… are you the hero? or are you the villain.

let me guess, you are fighting it over. thus, the villain still prevails. i am the villain.

darkmau

MALAYA!

all over

under the clear

skies steering.

a former

then then the latter,

redefined

refined.

would it

really matter,

everything falters

and you could be…

all over

steer clear

the cries…

rain

pain

pain!

i

write

your name…

and you

write my future.

six

to three.

suffrage…

my gut will,

carnage!

eto na ang sagot sa problema mo

tulad ng ibang produkto,

hindi ka matatalo dito,

kaya’t pahirin ang luha.

ilabas ang ngiti sa mukha,

narito na ang bagong pagasa.

kung ang kape may decaff

ang beer may light

isali mo na ang yosi,

at ang asukal may counterpart din,

ngayon pati ang love ay meron na ring…

DELOVED.

pag ibig para sa hindi handang umibig.

DELOVED.

isang pag ibig na walang kasalanan,

madaling tandaan,

madaling kalimutan,

mahal mo ngayon,

kakalimutan bukas…

ng walang luhang bakas.

DELOVED.

para sa mga gustong lumigaya,

sa pag-ibig sumaya,

init sa katawan at panandaliang pantasya,

para sa mga nalulungkot,

at ayaw masaktan,

sa mga nasawi,

at sa mga nagsawa na.

eto ang sagot sa pinagdadasal ninyo…

DELOVED.

Pagibig  na hindi talaga umiibig.

mabibili sa mga suking tindahan ng aliw.

.

darkMAU

MALAYA!

i got sum s2ry to tell…

i got dis habbit of collecting different school publications. i luv literary stuffs u know…dip down i wish i cud have one corner in the pages of the paper…but nah! Dat’s y i fed my secret dream wid illusions.

on d other syd of the s2ry, i met sum guy mid-September of 2004…a typical guy hu i found annoying @ first. i wasn’t com4table of his friendly attitude d 1st tym we were introduced. He was trying 2 amuse me and kick off my shyness. Well, he didn’t…

The guy will be my partner for a wedding program. "Wedding Emcees", as we kol ourselves. im not used of being put in d spot lyt but bcoz 8s a friend’s wedding, i agreed 2 do it. On the practice nyt, the tables turned. Suddenly, i felt okay around him. he wears glasses but dat nyt, i can see through his eyes. he was a gud guy! we started conversations and exchange scripts. We laugh d entire nyt. The rain poured hard but i can clearly hear his voice, as if we were alone in the "entire universe". Dramatic isn’t it? hehehehe

I was n denial dat i lyk him…hehehe. On the wedding day, wen i saw him n d church…i dont know f its a sign or clue…or just 1 of my crazy interpretations. we rode a motorcycle 2 d reception venue, as the wind flipped my gown…he wud hold 8 4 me. little things lyk dat matters 2 me…i truly appreciate him. Our laughs echoes in my heart and im drowning in fear.

the wedding program turned out to be "tragic" for me…der r sum few problems dat initiated my partner’s temper. i saw his mood transform…i tried 2 calm him down. i found myself weird…y wud i care much? im magneted 2 dis guy! i shud take a step back…

the event ended…and so is our "partnership". But he straightforwardly asked me out…(pls correct my memory). I was shocked! Hell shocked! how cud he be dat fast? i refused wid some resentment in my heart bcoz i know dat 8 myt be d last tym dat i myt see him…a guy hu sims 2 b perfectly compatible wid me

there were few instances dat we wud cross our roads…but those r only glimpses. Moments we cud only snatch away. Not long enough 2 satisfy my "cravings"…hehehe

he tried but i was distant bcoz of fear. i was too hesitant. i was a fool…

den i heard dat he’ll be leaving. he set a day 2 bid gudbye and settle sum things. i was brave dis tym. i waited 4 him. but den again d wickedness of fate triumph…he cant make 8. he flew away…gone 4ever. i didn’t even got 2 know his real name…

in college, i have dis friend hu works n a radio station. i was browsing my friendster and she saw a pic dat sims 2 be familiar 2 her. we wer arguing…she just myt have thought of the pic as sum1 else. She said it looks like "mauro carmona".

yes, all along we have a common friend. how can d world be too small and yet too big for me and "biboy". Finally, i got 2 know his name.

i browsed on my bookshelves 1 day, i was trying to find sumthing. Den a name flashed in my sight. All along…"you" were hiding in my shelves… waiting 2 be showered wid my tym. u were 1 of d contributors of Banaag Diwa…my most precious collections

anyways…8 was such a nice s2ry for me 2 kip.

-oct 2006

(this was a letter by someone, wont mention names but this deserves a place in my blog. thanks for the story)