man in the fridge

yes, i am still single. after all these times of blabbers after blabbers, i could not blame anyone for this fact. i stopped questioning my means and ways of getting to where i want to be. i learned things the hard way. one person might be smiling when it(gender sensitive) reads this, for finally admitting i am getting nowhere with my so called love life.

so yes, i guess i fucked up a couple of times in dealing with issues, maybe, things change, maybe its the culture, or the people, or maybe change is rather huge than what i was expecting. either way i am here trapped in my own prison sentence. i guess i am through with setting contingency plans with my stupidity, there is no more plan a and plan b, if one doesnt work then go. life is not a systemic strategy that we have to be specific with objectives and all. especially if it is concerned with human emotion. love for example is an emotion, a signal in the brain, a feeling of subjectivity, or maybe a dilemma in psychology. and guess what, it doesnt matter.

i am your mghty cassanova, dateless and dormant. cigarettes, coffee, occasional drinks, and a lot of dreaming is my life. well since there will be a smoke ban then i guess no more cigarettes, and less alcohol, so that means coffee and me would have to survive on our own. i was wondering if i could marry the coffee?

oh a cup of coffee could be a perfect wife, because it can alternate mood swings, and deliver results in a matter of minutes. making love to it is never demanding, and best of all burns you when you need it most. and yes, its bitter, that makes it more realistic…tangible. and it would not cause you infidelity problems.

a year without a date is painful enough, and to top it of, a year without sex is much more of a punishment. and hold your comments there, i dont intend you to pry on my sex life. how far can i go without the basic things of "growing up", maybe until they find a cure for AIDS? or if i could a singing contract with EMI? i dont know. i am just a guy here whose dreams are held suspended for some bureaucratic issues.

at times id like to think things happen for a reason. that everything is not a comedy or a play, where i get to be the antagonist or protagonist, but most of the time i feel like playing in one. each blissful silence of the long walks to work makes me wonder, what if things were different? what if i became something else? 

i failed three heart exams, but i dont feel pain. ironic isn’t it? i got high but felt good the day after, a year without sex, prolongs procrastination, or the agony of holding that mighty ejaculation, or my liberal thoughts just started to emancipate after hours of flipping the coins. heads or tails? and maybe just maybe if the next relationship comes along, there will be no doors for exits, only windows to breathe. to get out will be a hard way. whoever told the world that the only people who needs security are women?

i have been accused of so many stuffs, some of which i am guilty of, but most of it were fabricated. i really dont care now, there will be that one person somehow, somewhere, who would readily accept me NOW rather than who i was yesterday. somebody who i would not place in a comprising situation, someone who id make sure, that every step is a positive move. someone who would wait until i move my chess piece. someone who looks at the long term, rather than a blissful night with sex, and kisses. someone who works, and goes home, take care of the things that needs to be sorted out, and think of me.

i will share my life to that someone. from day one to the end days. if you think i am a hopeless romantic, think again, i am not the only one. yes, i maybe a bastard for your eyes, but i do deserve to be happy.

.darkmau.

MALaYa!

This entry was posted on Monday, June 25th, 2007 at 4:01 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.