man in the fridge

one day a girl approached a guy sitting on a bench. the guy turned and saw it was an old friend, an ex girlfriend.he silently went back to what he was doing and pretending not to mind the girl. the girl talked, and said she wanted them to be friends. the guy did not speak, he just listened the words of the girl.

the girl broke the guy’s heart by flirting with other guys, she dumped him for another guy. and she just told the guy that it wasnt working. the guy did nothing, but moved on.

after  sometime of being away, they met on that day. but the guy wasnt anymore interested in the girl. seeing all of his past as nothing but ghost.nothing more but a bad memory.  the girl asked the guy if it is because he hate her still? the guy said.

"i would rather remember you dead, than being alive and being friends with me or being near my system. people like you who doesnt value love, should be killed. if my words could kill, you will be dead in an instant. i dont hate you for who you are, i hate you for being what you are. only fools can make rainbows on dry season, and i am not one of them."

the girl cried, and moved on, and still she continued to what she did best… a slut.

darkmau

malaya!

it was a tuesday. a usual busy day for her, time in the office, get bored and day dream of what lies ahead. she was a typical bored lady, who goes to work and heads home after each day. going to church on saturdays and have a nice food is a treat for herself. she lives in this routinary monotonous cycle.

after her heart was broken by stupid guy named… okay lets skip the names. she kept doors open but no one was special enough to know her worth. her dreams are simple, her life is simple, inside out she is simple. but her simplicity is confusing enough for guys who cant see beyond lines.

it was a wednesday, a good old moron was trying to live a life when suddenly he accidentally met an old classmate who kept asking if he was single since last year. after knowing that he is single and not even looking for a girlfriend.

"she might be the girl of your dreams"…these are the exact words she said to him when she told him about her friend who is totally simple, responsible, pretty, and intelligent. and all he could say was…"my balls are trembling just to know this".

days passed nothing happened. until it another tuesday came.

the boring office lady  20 minutes before clocking out,  met the moron. a few exchanges of hi and hello, and some thoughts on things. the spark went up like fireworks on July 4.

she is the one. he knew it like knowing that the sun is hot, or the ice is cold or that jose rizal is not a filipino.  he knew instantly.

having her is difficult, difficult to everyone he wanted, it was different because the feeling was so strong. he was held grounded and no amount of words could express how much he feels. but he was ready to take the plunge, he is ready to give up everything for the simple woman.

one person asked, what made it different from all the rest…he simply just said "Finally I am in love, and that makes all the diffence in the world".

darkmau

MALAYA!

Boxing Day is a public holiday celebrated in the United Kingdom, Canada, New Zealand and Australia and many other members of the Commonwealth of Nations on December 26, the day after Christmas Day;^[1][2] or alternatively on the next weekday after Christmas

Boxing Day, contrary to common belief, is not about the sport of boxing. The celebration is traditional, dating back to the middle ages, and consisted of the practice of giving out gifts to employees, the poor, or to people in a lower social class. The name has numerous folk etymologies^[3]; the Oxford English Dictionary attributes it to the Christmas box; the verb box meaning: "To give a Christmas-box (colloq.); whence boxing-day."

(www.wikipedia.org)

December 26, a special day for me, not because of the holiday but because it is a day worth remembering. I guess only a few people could recognize why. However this day should be marked special, today is Boxing Day, and above you could see the brief description of this holiday. 

What Im trying to write really is about boxing things up to its ultimate end point. I have less to lose, each minute that pass by is like a decision turning for more concrete rationality. This day I would be able to box everything to a point where i could finally say I had enough of the things that i dont seem to enjoy.

OWAREDA! a japanese term that means IT IS OVER. i really hope that it will soon be over, it is a feeling of pain, only it takes me to a higher ground of uncertainty.

I guess i have said enough but still you dont have any clue of what runs in my mind. Hmmn let me give you better picture of what i am trying to say. Suppose youre a lanky school boy from far away land and suddenly after so many things in life you decided to become a man, and while everything is going right, you suddenly felt there is something more to do.Then you followed a path of uncertainty, but this time, you are on a ship, a ship which you dont control, and you stayed afloat on this voyage, and little by little you are losing your mind in the journey. You are now calloused and scars cover your body and you see the end of the dawn to morning and you suddenly felt you need to decide to leave.

Deciding is easy, but to live up to the decision is hard. Okay no more idioms, I am on the verge of quitting my masters. Not because its hard, its not the school that eats me up alive. Its the whole package of being here and still uncertain of why I am here. I have forgotten who i am or where i truly belong. I endured the two years, hoping to find myself here, hoping to fully consume my fears and i left everything which led me to the state of unhappiness.

My parents do no understand anything, ever since, they never appreciated anything i have accomplished. I am still a sore loser, they think that only my masters can save me from eternal damnation of the cruel society. Some people think that having a degree and having that advantage of qualifications would give them worth to who they are. Yes, sometimes it adds some luster, but most of the time, brilliance is not reflected on the degree you have obtained. Or the numbers you have gained, or anything that is written on ink and paper, brilliance for me would always be that thing that would make a difference maybe not to all people but even atleast to one person.

It is corny, and i must agree with my folks, I may not have the brains, or the skills, or the qualities to become a CEO or a global manager, one thing is for sure, I will be happy and contented to who i am and to what i do. I did not dream of having a power suit and sexy assistant right by my side trying to document everything i say.

MBA are letters added on your epitaph when your dead, its just a series of theories and probabilities using ones experience and logic to obtain the desired output. I can talk about strategies and the imporance of change or the levels of productivity or even the stages of operation management. I can blabber about lies and fallacies about business and the issues of ethics, and still I would not sound smart. And if thats the case, I box them all up, and live a life that ive always imagined, simple, laid back and happy.

If anyone is reading this, and would like to employ me, please tell me. haha, God, I know it is a tough decision. But my bestfriend Carle would always say, "there is no better time than now".

for now I am waiting on a divine sign from Father Jesus, I am discerning to His will, everything is already decided. And if I quit, Id lose everything, and that is the price I am willing to pay to let go, hey in business we call it value. need i say more?

every thoughts now are ready to be boxed…on boxing day.

as always,

mauro

resonating sound of my heart beat,

of shattering feeling of threat;

vibrating all over this corner;

of each shout that faltered.

.

coming back from a dream,

realizing that it is all untrue;

while time slipped through

like sand that reminds me of you.

.

stalling moments of tragic stories;

the magic light flickers,

then the shadow came bending

i knew then it was coming.

.

my heart gushed its mighty beat,

as it exploded to pieces,

there i was alone…

and then it was over.

.

malaya!

Darkmau

maraming bagay ang hindi pwedeng gawin dahil bawal. maraming bagay na nagiging bawal dahil hindi na angkop sa kung ano ang meron. sa madaling salita may mga bagay na hindi pwede dahil hindi compatible. best example yung pagyoyosi, may mga lugar na controlled ang smoking, or properly regulated, at may mga lugar  na totally banned at may mga lugar pa rin na smoke anywhere ang sistema.

pero mali nga ba kung gagawin ang isang bagay na bawal? honest answer… hindi ko alam, instinct na lang siguro yan or freewill, madalas lang kasi manermon ang teacher ko sa values ed nung hi skul eh. tapos sa college naman puro unconventional ideas ang natutunan ko. pero sabi nila diba, masarap gawin ang bawal, pero bakit nga ba?

actually para sa akin, basic ang sagot, biblical pa kamo. mahilig tayo sa temptasyon, mahilig tayo ichallenge ang mga bagay na nagbibigay sa atin ng limitasyon, kaya nga siguro marami ang nagpapalit ng religion na parang nagpapalit lang cellphone. dahil sa free will na yan, nalalagay tayo sa mga bagay na alanganin.

pero pag hindi naman natin chinallenge yung bawal, hindi rin naman natin masasatisfy yung curiousity natin sa bagay na yun. malas na lang din pag nagustuhan natin yung curiousity na yun. maraming bagay sa mundo na hindi natin alam, at gusto nating malaman. at pag nalaman natin, tatlong bagay lang ang pwedeng mangyari. una masira tayo, pangalawa mapabuti tayo, o third para sa mga insensitive eh maging steady or no reaction.

may nagsabi sa akin na ang pinakatotoong bagay daw sa mundo eh yung nafefeel ng isang tao. at mas totoo pa daw to sa mga bagay na ating pinipili. marahil tama siya, dahil may mga bawal na sa isip lang natin malalaman na masarap suwayin, pero sa end point gagawin din natin yung tama. pero in our mind nagawa na natin yung bawal.

so sa lagay na yun, marahil lahat tayo ay naging kriminal sa pagkakaroon ng feeling na suwayin ang bawal, kahit hindi man natin ginawa. dahil ang totoong bagay ay yung mga bagay na ating naramdaman.

maraming bawal sa mundo, maraming bagay ang hindi madaling unawaain, may mga bagay na nangyayari kahit hindi man natin isipin, hindi mawawala. sa huli ang lahat ng bagay ay magtatalosa punto ng pag iisip at sa aktwal na paggawa.

malaya!

darkmau

wala man ko niya gihilabtan,

apan ngano man jud magbukal ako dugo

inig makadungog ko niya?

.

maglain ako dughan,

ug gusto nako nga ilubong siya.

makapungot ug lami kaayo patilawog kulata!

.

wala man ko niya hilabtan,

apan gusto nako sya mawala sa kalibutan!

kauban sa mga demonyo nga pariha niya nga dautan!

.

wala man ko niya gihilabtan,

apan ang akong bulawan iyang napasakitan!

timan i higala, sa igong panahon, ikaw ra gihapoy mabaslan.

.

wala man ko niya gihilabtan,

mao na sugod karon,

ako na siyang kalimtan.

dili ko ganahan sa imu.

dili tungod kay wala kay klaro,

kundi mura man gud ka ug buang!

magsige ra ka katawa ug binuang.

.

dili ko ganahan nimu,

dili tungod kay dili ka gwapo,

tungod kay medyo naa kay pagkabugo,

naa na sa imung kamot imu pang pasagdan.

.

dili ko ganahan nimu,

dili tungod baho imu baba,

kundi puro bakak lang imu istorya,

wala kay klarong tawhana.

.

dili ko ganahan nimu,

dili tungod napasakitan ko nimu,

kundi wala man gud kay pagtahod,

sa tanang butang nga lingaw ug gamhanan…sama sa gugma.

.

DarkMau

MALAYA!

ikaw ang langit sa lupang hagkan

ilaw sa dilim ng aking dinadaaan

sa iyo ang aking bukas,

bumubuhay sa ngayon,

at nagtatanggal sa mapait na kahapon.

ikaw ang pangarap na dumating,

na kay tagal inasam.

taglay ng iyong ngiti,

ang payapang pagbati,

sa bukas at kahapon,

kailanman di na hihikbi.

sa iyo iaalay ang natitirang buhay,

hanggang sa dulo ng hangganan,

ikaw at ikaw lamang,

ang magmay-ari sa nagiisang ako.

sa pangakong sa Poong Maykapal inaalay,

na sa iyo at iyo lang ang puso’y mabubuhay,

at tuluyang mahihimlay.

_

para kay raissa. happy!

-darkmau

MALAYA!

sa grade one madalas nagsisimula na itanong sa atin kung ano ang gusto maging paglaki. madalas na mga sagot ay abogado, engineer, doktor, at nurse. sa iba  popular answer din ang pulis, military, artista, at siempre PRESIDENTE.

noon, palagi kasali sa lecture ng good moral and right conduct na importante na may matapos ang isang tao. importante ang diploma upan maabot ang mga pangarap.  hindi bat sa wowowee palagi sinasabi ng mga contestants na sana makatapos sila ng pag aaral or mapatapos nila ang kanilang mga anak sa pag aaral upang maabot ang kanilang pangarap. tapos pag hindi maganda ang pag deliver ng lines ng tao at hindi sya masyado kwela walang dagdag na perang ibibigay si willie. yun ang entertainment.

balik tayo sa topic, ang edukasyon daw ay kayamanan na kailanman hindi mananakaw sa atin. totoo, ngayon naniniwala na ako na ang edukasyon ay kayamanan, lumingon sa mga university belts, at maging sa mga colleges at primary schools, naghihirap ba sila? taon taon na lang tuition fee increase diba? aminin!

pero kidding aside, habang dumadami ang mga bata na nagaaral, at dumadami ang mga call centers, eh hindi pa rin tayo umaangat? padami na ng padami ang mga professional na nagiging nurse, at padami ng padami ang kumakanta ng "GUSTO NAMING MAG ABROAD!". wala na yatang, gusto maging dakila at sabihin na "mahal ko ang PILIPINAS at ito ay iaahon ko". wala pa akong naririnig na nagsabi non, marahil ay hindi pa niya nafefeel ang need na sabihin yun, kaya hindi pa sya nagpaparamdam, o marahil nawithdraw siya ng tatay niya kaya hindi pa siya nagagawa.

ano nga ba ang meron sa abroad? madami pare! may vendo machine ng condom sa abroad! yippee… joke lang. magandang buhay ang nagaabang "daw" sa abroad. marahil sa abroad tumutubo yung GREENER PASTURE. paano ba naman kasi sa atin may mga green pasture nga pero nilaland grab naman ng mga  POLITIKO at mayayaman(hindi ko nilalahat, pero karamihan sa kanila kabilang dito).

maraming oppurtunities sa abroad, maraming panganib, maraming adventures, kumbaga the possibilities are endless! pero sa pagpatos sa tawag ng labas, ay sukli naman ang mahigit na sakripisyo. maraming pamilya ang nasira dahil sa oppurtunities nato, maraming tao ang nagbago sa pangrap nato, at ang iba ay naging transvestite na.

iisa lang daw ang nagtulak sa lahat magabroad. dahil daw wala nang pag asa ang pilipinas. malamang tama sila, paano ba naman kasi, lahat ng tao sa atin hindi naiintindihan ang salitang hustisya. basta makakalamang, gagawin natin.  hindi bat sa mall o kahit sa anong lugar palaging may VIP, basta dumating si congressman  o mayor sila ang inuuna natin? baka nalilimutan natin na ang mga pinakamalalking TAX EVADER eh etong mga TYCOON at mayayaman na politiko. hindi ba tayo nakapag isip na maraming negosyo kapag nakaupo ka sa pwesto? kaya patuloy na dumadami ang gustong mag artista, upang maging politiko.

minsan tinanong ako ng dentista ko kung ano ba daw ang puedeng maging solusyon sa problema ng pilipinas? sumagot ang tatay kong excited "REVOLUTION!" umiling ako at inalis ang bulak sa aking bibig, sabi ko "justice".  kapag natuto tayong ibigay ang tama sa lahat ng tao, pasasaan ba at magkakaroon din tayo ng pagbabago. pero siempre hindi naman adik ang mga tao at biglang maging posessed angel at ipamigay ang kanilang lupa at magbayad ng tamang tax. at lalong hindi adik ang mga taong nasa gobyerno para aminin ang kanilang kasalanan at gawin ang tama, malamang wala nang matira sa gobyerno dahil lahat namatay sa kahihiyan.

mahaba na ang nasusulat ko, pero malamang di mo pa rin nababasa ang punto ko. kelan ka ba huli gumawa ng tama para sa kapwa mo pilipino? ipasa mo sa iba, baka sakali may magbago sa ating mga pananaw.  wala sa US, Middle East at Europe ang greener pasture, nasa Pilipinas ang problema, doon tayo magsimula. Hayaan mo at pabalik na rin ako, nagising na ako, eh ikaw?

-darkmau

MALAYA!

napanood ko sa tv na  laganap pa rin daw ang mga sakit na nakukuha sa unsafe sex. marami pa rin daw tao ang hindi marunong gumamit ng condom sa pakikipagtalik. pero ayon naman sa gobyerno, laganap naman daw ang kanilang propaganda sa edukasyong pangkalusugan at edukasyong sekswal. maging sa paaralan daw, tinturo nila sa mga teenager ang kahalagahan ng safe sex at unwanted pregnancy.

sa mga health centers daw ay mayrong libreng condoms at mga pills at mga literatura tungkol sa kalusugang sekswal.sabi naman ng simbahan, hindi rin daw sila nagkulang sa pagpaalala sa kanilang aral na dapat sagrado ang pagtatalik, at sa turo ng doktrina na ang lalake ay para sa babae at vice versa.

pero paano nga naman hindi dadami ang sakit sa atin? pucha, bawat lungsod sa atin may red lights district, lahat dito may alak, droga at babae. dagdagan pa ng tv series na mula sa amerika, na okay lang makipag jug kahit di pa kasal. hindi bat nauso ng husto ang one nght stands at flings, at fubu(fucking buddy).

ipokrito ang ating lipunan. patawad pero yan ay sa pananaw ko, malawak ang pagiging katoliko ng mga pilipino, pero salungat tayo sa pagiging mahusay na tao. ako, hindi ako nagpapaka pontso pilato sa lagay na to, balahura din ako, at  pangaingailan para sa akin ang pagtatalik(balikan ang maslow’s heirarchy of needs).

pero paano nga ba hindi dadami ang sakit at unwanted pregnancy? naturo ba ni mommy at daddy(may mga barko sila kaya sosy) kung paano gumamit ng condom, ang withdrawal at pills? napagusapan ba sa bahay ang sex nang hindi pinapalo ang bata? lahat naman tayo may libog(uwag sa bisaya), ginawa ito dahil tao lang tayo. pero bawal daw ito dahil bastos, kaya wag pag usapan.

naalala mo pa ba na ang pekpek at titi ay pinapangalanan ng cute names like birdie at pukikay. kaya tuloy sa mga pseudonyms nato lalo umusbong ang supressed sexuality. although hindi ko nilalahat, meron na malakas talaga ang self control, at ito ay hanay sa mga taong may mataas na IQ at low ang EQ.

pero aminin, sobrang nakakadyahe umiskor ng condom sa tindahan. nasubukan mo na bang bumili ng condom sa botika? tas pabulong mong sasabihin na, "miss pabili naman ng condom" tas sasagutin ka ng babae na "okay sir" tas maglalakad sya papunta sa mga condom, tas sabay sigaw, "SIR ANONG FLAVOR NG CONDOM???" at lilingon lahat sayo, tas ikaw matutunaw at babalik sa pagka sperm at egg cell.

pero may mga tao na matinik sa diskarte. kanya kanyang raket para bumili ng proteksyon. tulad ng pagbili ng condom eh hahawak sa cellphone at kunwari may kinakausap na barkada, "pare, nandito nako sa convenience, ano ba yung pinapabili mo?" tas magpopose sandali titingin sa kahera, sabay sabi"ahh gago, condom nanaman, hahaha, ilan ba? ano flavor?" tas sesenyas sa kahera na kunwari cool sya at gago yung kausap nya. okay na sana, kapanipaniwala na sana, magbabayad na lang sya at exit na , pero biglang totoong magriring ang cellphone, so ayun patay mali na lang. bayad sabay alis. i silent kasi ng di mabuking.

mas mainam itong gawin ng may shades or bonnet. mas madali magtago at lumayo.

atrasado pa rin ang ating bansa, kahit anong pilit nating magpacool, hindi pa rin natin kaya bumili ng condom ng lantaran na mistulang bumibli tayo ng juicy fruit o yosi sa kalye.

may sukatan na ako ngayon sa pagiging maunlad ng bansa, ito ay kung kaya na sagutin ng mga vendo machine ang mga necessity natin sa buhay. tulad ng tubig, pagkain, toothbrush at higit sa lahat CONDOM!

-darkmau

MALAYA!